‘Division is simple – and indescribable.’ So, this is it: the big reveal. The reason why the whole of creation is being very slowly destroyed. It’s because Division, an organisation set up to control the flow of time, fears the Doctor has given hope to the peoples of the universe (I underestimated the power of all those inspirational poster quotes). Therefore, they’ve decided to scrap it all and start again. Except, taking the old definition of madness (doing the same thing and expecting a different result) to cosmic extremes, Tecteun (for it is she!) is offering to take the Doctor back so she can do it all over again in the next life. Division is simple – indescribably stupid.

As a denouement to the longest TV story since 1986 it falls short of The Trial of a Time Lord’s reveal that the Doctor’s trial was all to prevent him from uncovering that the Time Lords had moved Earth across the universe to hide the fact the Matrix had been robbed. At least that had a smack of Robert Holmes’ political cynicism about it. This, I feel, is striving for MCU grandeur, with Tecteun standing in for Thanos, but with none of the pithy one-liners, charming performances, well-seeded twists and satisfying pay-offs that make those films tolerable. But Chibnall frequently homages ideas without also importing their meanings. His episodes often have the shape of something significant, without really signifying anything.

Take all the stuff with UNIT. As a long-term viewer, I can look askance at UNIT being planned in 1958 and Lethbridge-Stewart being a corporal in 1967. “Aha!” Chibnall might say, “It was never definitively established that UNIT was set up as a taskforce against the Intelligence. That was a coincidence. Here’s the real deal!” Except… What does it mean? Why would anyone not fascinated by UNIT dating care? I can sit and watch episodes where the Doctor gets talked at about being the Timeless Child – but what’s the “so what?” Nothing about this reveal means anything if the Doctor remains fundamentally unchanged. It’s like those later X-Files “mytharc” episodes where everything is the same, but we’ve spent an hour of our lives watching people chat about how it’s a different kind of the same.

In summary: I found this one tiresome garbage with a dreadful, passive role for the Doctor (Whittaker is asked to play the Doctor’s outrage towards a character she’s never met, and can’t remember), dull plotting (the resolution to being turned into an Angel is… to be turned back again immediately), and some true dialogue disasters (‘Morality is a strength’). The Grand Serpent material is disconnected from the rest of the story, with a bathetic pay-off (the Sontarans are invading – again), and his MO is budget Colony Sarff. At least Yaz, Dan and Jericho’s side-plot is amusing (best line: ‘All right Sheffield, keep your cutlery on’), and it does answer the question why the whiskery Victorian keeps wandering in and out of the story. But mostly, this is a very long way from anything I enjoy about Doctor Who.

Next Time: Flux Chapter Six – The Vanquishers