‘Let’s take a look at this shipwreck.’ A pirate story with Sea Devils? Been done (back in DWM’s Devil of the Deep in 1982). True to Chibnall’s desire to feature trailblazing women from history, this features one of the most successful female pirates ever – a bit less inspirational than Ada Lovelace or Rosa Parks, but I suppose you have to admire free enterprise. It also features a giant sea monster called Hua-Shen, and I spent most of this thinking, “Call it the Myrka you cowards.”

Ah the Myrka. This one brings back fond memories of Warriors of the Deep, a production so disastrous it was cited as part of Michael Grade’s evidence for cancelling the show in 1985. Bit mean. I don’t dislike it: although its flaws are evident, the basic concept and the script are mostly quite good. Which is where it differs from Legend of the Sea Devils, which seems to me to be pretty much disastrous all round.

The script is notably weaker than Eve of the Daleks. We’re back to hopping between locations and time periods in a way that works against the story’s momentum. We’re also back to the usual thin characterisation, now with added weirdness (like the Doctor and Yaz stopping in the middle of a scene to chat about her plan; the Myrka vanishing from the plot; the Sea Devils being treated like everyone knows who they are despite last appearing onscreen 38 years previously, or Dan randomly becoming a walking Wikipedia on historic shipwrecks). Dan also randomly develops Errol Flynn sword-fighting skills and massacres some Sea Devils with a sub-Bondian quip. It’s at the level of “this happened, then this happened, then this happened” storytelling. The much-trumpeted “Thasmin” relationship is wrapped up in a handful of lines that amount to the Doctor saying, “It’s not you its me” and moving on from something that was barely evident before Flux.

Ropey scripts have been rescued before. Sadly, though, the production in just bizarre, right from the opening when the mysterious statue that Ki’s family vowed to protect is unceremoniously revealed to have the head of a Sea Devil (The Ark managed to do this better in 1966). I rarely get distracted by direction or cinematography – but I couldn’t follow the logic or the geography of Ching’s ship (the Doctor and Yaz swing across from the Sea Devil flying ship onto it even though the distance between them seems immense – and the Sea Devil ship is floating above – then fly back upwards onto it). The final swordfights are all over the place, with random close ups, glimpses of swords and limbs wandering into shot – I wonder if it’s meant to imply chaos, but it just looks half-bothered. In the Doctor and Yaz’s heart to heart the camera randomly swings between angles regardless of who’s speaking. The final scene with Yi-Hun is so baffling it looks like a Nineties 3D computer game character has wandered into a corner and the perspective can’t settle on one angle.

It’s difficult to compare the production styles of modern and classic Doctor Who, but this is probably as close as the 21^st Century series has got to putting out something barely fit for broadcast. The worst Doctor Who episode ever? Hard to say. But, for my money, it’s the worst episode this century.

Next Time: Redacted