‘The one adventure I can never have.’ At no previous point in the series could the first encounter of the Daleks and the Cybermen be treated as the B-plot to Jackie and Pete being brought back together while the Doctor and Rose are torn apart. The point is, only a double-global apocalypse is enough to separate them. You could argue there’s a lot more to explore in the similarities between the two monsters, both augmenting themselves to survive but one convinced it’s a gift to be shared with all, and the other a means to segregate them from the lesser species, which deserve only extermination. But that misses the point.

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‘This is the story of how I died.’ The pre-credits sequence is among the best ever: a potted history of the show since Rose, and a promise that this is not going to end well. And all the way through the episode there’s a sense of the Doctor and Rose having to pay, in some way, for their carefree adventuring. Torchwood was set up because Queen Victoria was not amused by their blasé attitude towards the supernatural threats to her realm: ‘You’re actually named in the Torchwood foundation charter of 1879 as an enemy of the Crown.’ In contrast to the Doctor’s improvised approach, Torchwood is a slick and professional operation highly proficient at reengineering alien technology for the benefit of the Crown (as Yvonne is keen to point out, ‘not the general public’s’).

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‘Does this mean that the Olympic dream is dead?’ Another Series Two episode with a pretty pungent reputation. There are obvious comparisons to be made with The Idiot’s Lantern as both feature abusive fathers and supernatural abductions in Union Flag-draped suburbia, with one of the leads got at halfway through. But the most cringe thing about the episode has to be Huw Edwards’ running commentary on the Olympic opening ceremony, which sounds like a man having a breakdown live on air. Still, one of my most sensible friends once rated this as the best-ever episode so it’s worth looking past the things that don’t work to the things that do.

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‘Let me tell you something about those who get left behind. Because it’s hard. And that’s what you become: hard.’ The audience appreciation score of 76% is one of the lowest of the new series which just goes to show some people have no taste. Squinting, you might make an argument that the Abzorbaloff is a bit of a silly monster (although that would make you a bit mean, as it was designed by a child), or that the Doctor and Rose only appear for about five minutes.

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‘But I’ve seen a lot of this universe. I’ve seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods, and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing, just one thing, I believe in her.’ After complaining she’s been given little to do this series, I eat my words. This is easily the strongest Rose episode since The Parting of the Ways. Perhaps more impressive because she doesn’t possess the powers of a god, she just engineers the death of one. Having apparently lost the Doctor to the pit, Rose decides to fill in for him, mobilising the survivors of the Sanctuary Base, inspiring them to find a way off Krop Tor, and ultimately sending the Beast plunging into the black hole. ‘We stopped him. That’s what the Doctor would have done,’ she declares. But this is all Rose Tyler and I love it.

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‘He has woven himself in the fabric of your life since the dawn of time. Some may call him Abaddon. Some may call him Krop Tor. Some may call him Satan or Lucifer.’ A 21st Century reimagining of Pyramids of Mars with an even more intricate trap for an imprisoned elder god, and Lovecraftian slave monsters instead of mummy servitors. After a series and a half that largely hewed to the Barry Letts and Terrance Dicks model of day-after-tomorrow invasions of Earth and a universe full of exotic aliens, not all of them bad, this is surprisingly refreshing. It’s a shame Sarah Jane didn’t stick around – this is right up her street.

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‘I am talking!’ In principle, I really like the idea of a Doctor Who story that throws together a melange of images and influences from classic telefantasy: Quatermass sci-fi; Sapphire and Steel faceless people; Nineteen Eighty-Four style informants and TVs that stare back. Even the Wire feels like it’s referencing old series monsters, like Eldrad: ‘They executed me. But I escaped in this form and fled across the stars.’ The reason why Doctor Who stands out is because it can juxtapose all of these styles with entirely different genres, creating something new from the alchemy. The problem with The Idiot’s Lantern is that it doesn’t have anything to catalyse its influences and homages, and so nothing new emerges. Instead, we get something even more straightforward than The Unquiet Dead.

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